... And to Fulfill Your Snuggie Obsession Over the Summer ...

... There's the Wearable Towel! While not as awesome as the Snuggie, it still does a pretty good job of making otherwise normal people look absolutely ridiculous. The "towel with arm openings" can even be worn in 2 different styles - toga or tunic!

Seriously, check out the commercial! Is wearing and/or carrying around a towel this big of a hassle? And who know robes could be so pesky!? I had no idea! Thank God someone came up with this miraculous invention to save all of us from this huge inconvenience!

Just When I Thought Things Couldn't Get Any Better ...

... They went ahead and came out with the Designer Snuggie! The "blanket with sleeves" is now available in zebra print, leopard print or camel! And to top it off, you get 2 Snuggies and 2 book lights for only $19.95! If a better deal exists in the world, someone please let me know!

Those boring primary colored Snuggies are SO 2008! If I don't get the leopard print Snuggie for my birthday, I'm going to be a very upset girl!

I'm Back! And No, You're Not A QT!

To all two of you who actually follow my blog, I apologize for my lack of posts over the past two months. Work has been unbelievably crazy, but now that the festival is over, I have time to get back to the important stuff. Like complaining!

Yesterday I was driving behind a car with the license plate QTCUPL2. I took a look and they were definitely NOT cuties. Rule of thumb: If you need a license plate to tell everyone else how good looking you are, chances are you are NOT good looking and should look into changing your plate. Then at least you won't have people looking in your car windows with either a look of horror on their face (because they were expecting an attractive person and most likely didn't see one) or people just laughing and pointing at you.

Mother, May I Watch Lifetime TV?

I haven't had a free weekend afternoon in a long time, so I almost forgot how amazing it can be to spend a Sunday afternoon watching movie marathons on Lifetime. In honor of Mother's Day, the theme of all of today's movies was "One Mother of a Day." And my favorite movie out of this group was "Mother May I Sleep with Danger?" Yes, that is the actual name of the movie. Not only is it one of the best-titled movies of all time, but it stars Tori Spelling, so you know the acting was no less than Oscar-caliber.

If only I could spend every weekend watching Lifetime movies all day. I wonder what next weekend's theme will be. Who cares ... As long as the movie stars Tori, you know it will be good. Two of my all-time favorite Lifetime movies both star Tori - "Death of a Cheerleader" and "Co-Ed Call Girl." I'll keep my fingers crossed ...

Hallelujah!

Lent is over, so you know what that means ... Golden Spoon time! Three out of the past four nights I've had Golden Spoon for dinner. Man I missed this stuff. The only way things could be any better is if I could have it for breakfast and lunch, too. Hmm ... not a bad idea!

Life is good!

F@#!$%&* - Take 4

Today's Vegas weather = 82 degrees, clear and sunny

Tomorrow's Vegas weather = 69 degrees, breezy and cold

Ugh ......................

Are You Happy Now?

To all those awesome people who voted for Obama ... a big sarcastic thank you.

My mom called me over the weekend and after meeting with their accountant, they determined that they will owe an additional $10,000 in taxes next year because of our super awesome new president.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but during his campaign, didn't he said he'd only tax people who make $250,000 and above? Well, my parents definitely do NOT make that much. They are hard working middle class people who didn't vote for this idiot, but are still suffering because of the stupid choice the rest of our country made.

It's going to be a LONG four years ...

Fast & The Furious is Number One at Box Office This Weekend

It made more than $72 million and broke a box office record for the month of April.

Wow. Really? This could be the most pathetic news I've heard in a long time ...

You are NOT a QT

This morning I drove past a car with the license plate - QTCPLE2. Which I would assume would mean "cutie couple two." Although when I passed the car and looked at the people inside, they were definitely not cuties. Not at all.

In general, I hate personalized license plates. Most of the time, you can't even figure out what the plate is supposed to be saying. You sit behind the person and stare at the plate for what seems like hours and can't figure it out. And nearly get in an accident in the process. It's normally some sort of dumb inside joke. Which you should just keep as an inside joke and not put on your license plate for other people to try and figure out. It just makes you look dumb.

And then when you can figure out what the plate is supposed to say, it's usually completely stupid and false. Like the "cutie couple" or HOTTIE or IAMAQT. I almost always look at the driver of the car that has a plate like that, and the plate is NEVER true. Anyone that has to publicly advertise that they are hot or cute or whatever, is clearly not. It is just sad.

F@#!$%&* - Take 3

On Thursday, it was almost 85 degrees in Las Vegas. Beautiful and sunny. Then on Friday, it was in the 60's, windy and rainy. What the f---?!?!? And what made it worse is that I had to play softball Friday night. It was freezing and windy. I got a bloody knee. Oh, and we lost big time.

I just wish the weather would make up it's mind already! It's April for Pete's sake! The time for 60 degree weather has passed. Where is my pool weather?!? Ugh ....

Something More Amazing Than the Snuggie?

Just when I thought the most awesome thing ever had been invented (the Snuggie) ... Along comes the Peekaru! This looks like Snuggie, but has a secret extra pocket for you to keep your baby. Or puppy. Or maybe even a snack! And it looks super awesome. I don't have a baby or a puppy, but hell, I'm getting one of these ASAP!!!

How Can I Rant About Anything?

When a picture like this exists?

Waaa! I Want My Golden Spoon! Still!

Still going through major withdrawals. And I still have 24 days to go ... ugh ... I was in Austin for 5 days and I thought it wouldn't be so bad since they have so much great food down there. But I was still missing me some frozen yogurt.

On A Positive Note ...

I had my first run in softball last night! We still lost both games. In fact, we may have taken a beating even worse than last week, if that's possible.

But it was a small victory for me. Yay!

Waaa! I Want My Golden Spoon!

I am not Catholic, but I figured I should give up something for Lent this year. I mean heck, Jesus gave his life for all of us, the least I can do is give up something petty in my own life. So I decided to give up one of the things in my life that means the most to me ... frozen yogurt.

I know, it sounds crazy. But I am addicted to frozen yogurt like a drug addict is to crack. And I am especially addicted to Golden Spoon, the absolute most delicious of all frozen yogurts.

My fasting began last Wednesday and I still have 36 days to go. I am really starting to go through withdrawals. And to make matters worse, since I'm on their email list, Golden Spoon sent me the flavors of the month for March and they'll have pistachio all month. That's one of my favorites!

Ugh ... Easter could not come sooner this year ...

You Know You're Getting Old When ...

I know, I know. I'm only 28, I'm not THAT old. But lately I've noticed all these weird things that have never happened to me before, and frankly, it's really starting to annoy me.

For starters, I used to be able to make the drive from Vegas to Orange County (or OC back to Vegas) without having to stop to go to the restroom. I could drive for four hours straight and be absolutely fine. But the past few drives, I've had to stop in Barstow halfway through because I thought my bladder was going to explode. What's up with that?!?

Secondly, after softball on Friday night, I could hardly move my left hip and it felt like it had come out of the socket. Now, I consider myself to be a pretty active person. I workout several times a week, whether it be spinning, running, whatever. But after softball I feel like my 82 year-old grandmother who needs a hip replacement! I just don't get it ...

Again, I'm only 28 and all of this stuff is already happening to me. How excited am I to see what other fun things my 30's will bring ...

Ha Ha Ha

To the white minivan who insisted on going 110 MPH on the 15 freeway going to California on Saturday morning ...

Nothing gave me greater pleasure than seeing you get pulled over a few miles up the road after you tried to run everyone else off.

All I have to say is ... HA HA HA!

I Thought This Was A Co-Ed League?

So softball has been going okay so far. Our first week, we won both games because the other team had to forfeit, and the second week we won and lost one. Friday's game was a whole different story. We lost both games miserably. And by lose, I mean it was like 30-4 and they had to stop the game because of the mercy rule.

Normally I wouldn't care if we lost, because it's just a city softball league and most people are just playing for fun. But this other team was definitely the most serious I've seen so far. Plus, I think they had girls on their team (I mean, they had to because it's a co-ed league) but it was hard to tell because all of the girls looked like dudes. Seriously. They were HUGE. And all of them hit like Mark McGuire. The batting line up was supposed to alternate between guys and girls, but with some of these girls on their team, I honestly couldn't tell.

Hey, I'm all about being a good athlete and if you excel at softball then good for you. But at least make some effort to look at least a little bit feminine. Take a shower. Do your hair. Wear deodorant. Do something. But please, at least try to make this look like a fair game.

Primm = Yuck

Last night I had the amazing pleasure of seeing Blondie in concert. That woman is pushing 65 and still rocks it out. If I should only be so lucky ...

The crappy part about going to the concert was that it was in Primm, the horrific state-line Casino located about a half mile from one of the state's correctional facilities. I thought that downtown was the best place to people watch in town, but I may just have a new favorite place. Other than the absolutely amazing people watching, it also has a kick ass outlet mall.

But enough about shopping. Let's talk about the people! I'm not really sure how to describe them. Let's just say that the lady giving us our tickets was missing most of her front teeth. NOT KIDDING. And most of the people in the concert were using some sort of walker or electric scooter or cane.

Most shocking was that when we walked by the hotel registration, there was a HUGE line of people waiting to check in. People actually stay here? I didn't understand where all these people were coming from. If you are already in Primm, why not just drive the extra half hour and go to Vegas?

And then I remembered that Nascar was coming to town this weekend. Yes, a weekend full of white trash, beer drinking, trailing living fun. That explains everything now. These hillbillies were so excited about coming to Vegas that they got an early start and somehow ended up Primm. Probably because a) Primm is pet friendly so you can stay their with your dog, um I mean girlfriend and b) There is a HUGE lot for trailers in Primm.

All I know is: Nascar in town = Kelly out of town. Immediately.

Welcome to Las Vegas ... Now Leave!

One of the cool things about living in Las Vegas is that on a daily basis you can drive past the "Welcome to Las Vegas sign" on the south end of the Strip.

What is not cool about this is all the stupid people you see taking their pictures in front of the sign. Yesterday, it was a bridal party. Okay, kind of weird, but whatever. The bride looked normal (at least from what I saw) but the groom was wearing the blue tux from "Dumb and Dumber" and the groomsmen were wearing the orange tuxes.

Really?

If I were that bride, I'd be MORTIFIED. Let's get one thing straight, "Dumb and Dumber" is one of my all time favorite movies. But if my husband-to-be proposed dressing in those tuxes at our WEDDING. Well, let's just say there would be no wedding. Come on girl ... Isn't it bad enough you just had a quickie wedding in a cheesy Vegas wedding chapel? And now your last ounce of dignity just went out the door ...

Verse of the Day

Psalm 46:1 - " God is ... an ever-present help in trouble."

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

I typically don't like email forwards, but this is one of the cutest I've seen in a long time ...

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These p lagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Verse of the Day

Philippians 4:11 - "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

Now This Has Gone Too Far!

I just read that the pseudo-celeb Vegas reporter walked the red carpet at the Oscars. Why? I have absolutely no idea. But that is not what aggravates me the most. SHE BROUGHT HER DOG IN HER PURSE AGAIN! TO THE OSCARS!

I really do not get this girl. When do you take a step back and actually realize what you're doing and think, "You know what? This is inappropriate. Maybe other people don't want to eat at a fancy dinner party next to my stupid dog."

It just irritates me so much that a) This girl thinks she's a celebrity in the first place and b) She thinks she's important enough to be able to take her dog everywhere.

I guess some people got wind of her taking the dog to the Danny Gans opening and they all called into her station saying what an irresponsible bitch she is (the reporter, not the dog). Then she came back all crying and upset, saying that she has to be with her new puppy all the time and she's a dog person and loves animals and blah, blah, blah.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but people get new puppies all the time and do not bring them to every single activity. I have had puppies and completely understand that it's important to spend as much time with them as possible. But at some point you need to get on with your life, go to work, etc. and leave the dog at home. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND STOP BRINGING YOUR DUMB DOG EVERYONE!

PS: It isn't even a cute dog.

PPS: Judging from this photo, you are clearly not an animal lover if you make your poor dog wear a hat like that.

Who's Really the Ugly One?

My friend told me the most disturbing story yesterday and I just have to rant about it here. The other day she was waiting for a parking spot at her bank and had her signal on to indicate she was waiting for that spot. Then some lady swooped in and took the spot she was waiting for. My friend did exactly what I would have done and called out the lady for taking her spot. The lady then called my friend a bitch, yelled at her some more and then said, "Not only are you a bitch, but you're an ugly bitch."

First off, my friend is NOT ugly. This lady was obviously at fault and because her time was clearly more valuable than my friend's, she felt the need to not only insult her character, but also how she looked which is CLEARLY uncalled for.

I just don't get people. Do they just let verbal diarrhea spew from their mouth and not care about what they're saying and who they're hurting?

To try and make her feel better, I told my friend about the time I was shopping at Trader Joe's and was wearing a flowy dress. Some idiot came up to me and asked when my baby was due?!?!? OMG there is probably nothing more insulting for a woman when someone assumes she's pregnant when she's NOT. I've always stuck to the rule that unless the baby is actually coming out of the woman, never assume she's pregnant. She could be just fat, or have a horrible tumor!

Do people not think when they start to talk? Or realize how much they hurt people's feelings? My friend was terribly upset by what that woman said to her, and the pregnant comment didn't exactly make me feel great.

Think before you talk, that's all I have to say. Oh, and if someone else has their blinker on for a spot, don't take it!

Oscar Observations

1. Why were Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens there? Was there a new "teens who post inappropriate photos of themselves online" category I didn't know about?

2. Why in God's name would they include a clip from "High School Musical 3" in the montage of all of this year's romantic movies? Really? Is that the best they could come up with? You might as well include "The Hottie and the Nottie" while you're at it ...

3. I'm not sure why Jessica Biel was there. Has she ever been in a good movie? She's best known for being on "Seventh Heaven" for Pete's Sake. But thank God she was there because man was her dress a joy to make fun of. I saw the best reaction ever on a Facebook comment: "What in God's name is under that huge flap on the front of Jessica Biel's dress? Is that where Justin Timberlake keeps his d--k in a box?" Love it.

Verse of the Day

1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you."

Friend Rant of the Day

Today's friend rant of the day is once again brought to us by my friend Keith. Although I can take partial credit for this one, as it's something that has always bothered me and I just haven't gotten around to ranting about it yet.

If you have a large car, whether it be a truck or SUV, learn how to park it! That includes you, soccer mom with the Hummer who has to take up two parking spots, or who has to back in and out 500 times because your car is too big for you. I guess Keith was trying to find a parking spot at the gym last night and couldn't find any because there were so many big cars with crappy parking jobs.

When I was at Wal Mart last weekend, it wasn't bad enough that I had to go to the stupid store in the first place. No, first I had to wait for a Ford F150 with HUGE wheels to fit into a parking spot that was too small for the truck in the first place. Yet the driver insisted on taking the spot and backed out and in again FIVE times. Buddy, after the second try, just give up and park somewhere else!

I wish they made people take a special driving test before they are allowed to buy larger cars. That would save the rest of us a whole lot of aggravation, and open up a lot more parking spots!

Verse of the Day

Matthew 28:20 - "I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Wise Old Man Quote of the Day

It is rare when I rave about something that happens at the gym, but something happened at the gym this morning that made me smile.

An old man was working out next to me and then this other lady passed by him and asked him how he was doing. He responded, "Not as good as some, but better than most."

How true is that! It kind of puts things into perspective, doesn't it? No matter what petty issues we are going through, we are still better off than most people in this world.

Just something to think about today!

Verse of the Day

Matthew 6:34 - "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Driving Pet Peeves (Part 4)

I have always wondered why anyone would buy a Hummer. They are ugly as sin and get like one mile per gallon. And have you ever noticed that 99% of the people who drive Hummers are complete a--holes? "Hey, my car is bigger and uglier than yours, so I am obviously way cooler."

Anyway, I am not the only one who thinks that Hummers are useless because it was announced today that General Motors plans to eliminate the vehicle altogether. Good for them, but why did it take them this long to realize how dumb this car is? Better yet, why did they start making the car in the first place?

I am especially annoyed at Hummers this week because on Monday I drove back to Vegas from Orange County in the POURING rain. It was seriously some of the hardest rain I've ever driven through and at some points I could hardly see anything in front of me. When the weather is that bad, it is just plain common sense to slow down and take it easy. Or you would think. For some reason, there were still a few cars who felt they HAD to continue going 100 MPH, even though everyone else was going about 60. And as I looked in my rear view mirror, it was usually a douche in a Hummer driving these excessive speeds. Is that really necessary? Do you really think that Vegas (or wherever you are going) is going to disappear if you don't get there fast enough? Not only are you putting yourself at risk, but also everyone else on the road. And we all know how fun it is when there's an accident on the 15 going to and from Vegas. Since there are only 2 lanes in each direction, the freeway is practically shut down, thus making everyone else sit on the road for hours because some idiot refused to slow down.

So THANK YOU General Motors for finally doing away with someone that should have never been invented in the first place. And to all those super awesome Hummer drivers out there, I guess you'll have to buy some other big, expensive, fancy toys to show the rest of us how cool you really are.

Verse of the Day

Hebrews 11:1 - "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

England is Rad

The Warrington Bank Quay Station in northern England has done one of the most amazing things I've seen in a long time. They've put up a sign to discourage people from kissing each other good-bye outside the train station. I guess this has become such a big problem that it's holding up other commuters.

This is just an example of how oblivious people are of others. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying good-bye to a loved one, but obviously people must have been taking this to the extreme if they had to put up a sign banning such public displays of affection.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could just make up signs discouraging people from doing all the things that annoy us? I wish they would put up a similar sign in front of the Bellagio so that people wouldn't get out of their cars in the middle of traffic to take pictures of the fountains. Look, I know the fountains are gorgeous to look at. But there's a time and place for everything, and getting out of your car in the middle of the street is NOT that time and place!

And of course, I would also put up a no-men-in-spandex sign in the gym. I could actually make up a lot of signs for what not to do at the gym ...

Verse of the Day

Jeremiah 29:11 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Snuggie Update!

Guess who got a Snuggie this weekend! No, not me but it's almost just as good ... my mom! I went home for the long weekend to celebrate my mom and brother's birthdays and my dad got the Snuggie for my mom as a special surprise!

But that isn't even the best part about the story. Do you know where he got the Snuggie? Bed, Bath and Beyond! Yes, that's right, you can run out right now and get your very own Snuggie! And it even comes with the book lamp so you're not missing out on anything!

Apparently Bed, Bath and Beyond has a whole "As Seen on TV" section! Not only did my dad get a Snuggie but he also got the Pedi-Paws to trim the dog's nails. I can only begin to imagine what else they have ... Do you think they have the Bender Ball? Pilates Chair? The Sham Wow? OMG the possibilities are endless. In fact, I need to stop writing right now to head on over there. Expect updates on what crap ... er, I mean Info-mercial products ... I get my hands on ...

F@#!$%&* - Take 2

Well, I'm writing this from home so that means I got my Internet fixed! Yay! And it only took 3 days to fix. Turns out it wasn't Cox, but it was my dumb laptop itself. So after an hour on the phone with Dell, I finally got things working again. Now let's see how long this will work before another issue (knock on wood). I swear, if it's not my home laptop, it's my work laptop. Trust me, I could write a million blogs about my work laptop. Pretty much everyone in my office would agree with me.

There's not too much else to rant about because it's a THREE DAY WEEKEND! Whee! I'm about to leave for our softball team's first game tonight. Which should be a blast considering that it's about 2 degrees and raining. Okay, maybe it's not THAT cold but still way too cold to be standing outside trying to play softball. We're keeping our fingers crossed that it somehow gets cancelled ...

F@#!$%&* - Take 1

Sometimes you can get so frustrated with something that there isn't a word in the English language to express how you're feeling. So I've made up this word to use in these instances - F@#!$%&*. Today's F@#!$%&* is brought to you by my Internet provider, Cox Communications. For the past two days, I've been unable to get Internet at my house. Yesterday morning I had an error message come up in my browser saying that Cox had to temporarily disable my Internet connection. I thought this was strange considering that I just paid my bill. But I didn't think too much of it because we've also been having Internet issues at work. Since I live right down the street from my office, I thought there may just be some sort of problem with Cox in our area. 

But when I went to log-on to my home computer again this morning, I got the same error message. So I called Cox, and proceeded to speak to a computer for a half hour. I call the computer a "she" because it has a female voice and I don't really know how else to refer to her. Have you ever noticed that the self-help computer always sounds the same? It's always this bitchy lady's voice. The same goes for my GPS unit in my car. Whenever I make a wrong turn, it's like she gets pissed off and it's such an inconvenience for her to reconfigure my route. "Sigh ... Make a legal u-turn ... Sign ... I guess I'll reconfigure the route since you're too dumb to follow my directions." The other day my friend told me that you could download different voices for your GPS unit, which I'm going to have to look into because I can't stand my lady anymore. I wish we could also pick the voices for these self-help phone calls. It would really make the whole experience a lot less painful.

Anyway, of course the dumb computer couldn't help me so I was actually transferred to a live person, who, after another half hour (yes, this means I was on the phone for one whole hour) decided she STILL couldn't help me and said she'd have to give me a ticket number and transfer me to Tier 2. What the hell does that mean? Is it really that hard to figure out how to connect my laptop to the Internet? I've been at my apartment for a year now and have never had a problem, and then all of the sudden it's impossible for me to get on. It's 2009 ... Should it really be a mystery anymore about how to log on to the Internet? You would think we wouldn't have to deal with these dumb problems anymore. 

I thanked the gal who was "helping" me, and told her I'd have to call Tier 2 back because I was now late for work. So tonight, I'll have to waste another hour of my life on the phone trying to figure this out. F@#!$%&*

Verse of the Day

John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but shall have everlasting life." 

Verse of the Day

Isaiah 9:2 - "The people who walk in darkness will see a great light. Those who live in a dark land, the light will shine on them."

I Love Bonnie Hunt

Why!?!? Because on national television she called out the ridiculous reporter I was talking about last week! Apparently Bonnie was at the opening of the new Danny Gans show at Encore and was talking about some lady with big hair who carried a dog in her purse into the show. Again, completely inappropriate. And again, no one said anything to her and let her do whatever she wanted. I'm sure the people sitting around her really enjoyed having to watch the show with a dog next to them. I'm just glad someone else is as annoyed with this as I am! Although I'm sure the reporter is excited she got mentioned on national television ... she most certainly is famous now! Call the publicist! Whee!

Spandex Guy's Friend May Be Weirder Than Him

Spandex guy missed spin class again this morning, thank God. But his other Spandex friend (let's just call him Number Two) was there again and he may be stranger than the original Spandex guy. For starters, he brought his own tool kit into class and took the petals off the bike. Maybe this is normal for some serious bikers but I have never seen this before. Then in the middle of class, I guess he ran out of water because he bolted off his bike, took off his shoes (ew) and ran across the room in his socks to refill his water bottle. But the strangest part was at the end of class where our instructor was leading us through stretches. Number Two lay down in the middle of the floor and started doing his own weird stretches and everyone else was looking at him thinking "what the hell?" Seriously, I don't know where these people come from. Maybe I am just too critical of people. Does anyone else encounter people this strange? Or maybe it's just my gym. Who knows ...

Disclaimer: Number Two did wear Spandex shorts, but not the outfit in the picture. Although I kind of wish he had. That would have been amazing.

Verse of the Day

John 8:7 - "Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone."

Grammy Observations

A few observations from the first hour of the Grammy's. Once the Jonas Brothers started performing, I knew it was time to turn it off. I just don't get them. I don't think any of them are cute at all. Kind of creepy, younger, unattractive versions of Tom Hanks. And they don't know what they are doing. They didn't even know the lyrics to "Superstitious." Seriously, Stevie Wonder must have been thinking, "What in the hell did I do to deserve this? Who are these pre-pubescent boys I've been forced to sing with?" God bless him. 

Here are a few more thoughts about last night:

1. Why were Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian there? Neither of them have anything to do with music. Unless being in your own crappy reality show and having your own sex tape now means you are also a musician? 

2. Does anyone realize that Jennifer Hudson's fiance was a contestant on "I Love New York???" Granted, he was one of the most normal people on that show, but STILL! I still can't wrap my mind around this. Jennifer is a gorgeous diva and "New York" is, well, a dude. 

3. I love Coldplay, but every time I saw Chris Martin on stage, I wondered why he couldn't afford to get a longer shirt. The shirt he was wearing was like a little boy's tee, so every time he lifted his arms, you could see a white, hairy Englishman's tummy. Yech. 

4. Why is Miley Cyrus famous? I understand her appeal even less than I understand the Jonas Brothers. I don't think she's very cute and she can't sing worth crap. I adore Taylor Swift and love the song they performed together last night, but Miley completely ruined it. Seriously, she was shouting the whole time, I thought my ears were going to bleed. Every time she talks I just want to cringe. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out her appearance on Ellen a few months back. 

5. I think George Strait is one of the most ridiculously good-looking men out there. Sure, he's in his 50's. But come on, the man is handsome! Not to mention talented. I can't believe he won his FIRST Grammy last night! He's had over 50 number one hits for Pete's sake! 

Am I Turning Into One of THOSE Women?

Over the weekend I went shopping at Nordstrom in their "Brass Plum" section, which is where they have all their juniors clothes. I saw a lady there who was entirely too old to be shopping for clothes made for teenagers. Then all the blood drained from my face and a horrible thought crossed my mind. Hang on a second ... I am 28! Am I too old to be shopping in the juniors section? Am I turning into one of those women who dresses too young for her age?!? Oh my ...

Verse of the Day

2 Timothy 2:22 - "Pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts."

Verse of the Day

Psalms 23:1 - 3 - "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

WalMart Blows

Every time I go to WalMart, I leave wanting to pull my hair out and promise myself I'll never go there again. It's like a magnet for every single white trash person in the entire state. Plus everything is so disorganized and dirty, you can never find what you're looking for, or when you do find it, you're too scared to touch it.

For some reason I decided to go to WalMart today to get a softball glove for my new softball team (I'm sure this will be the source of many future blogs!) This trip to WalMart was the same as all the others, and I kicked myself for forgetting about my previous vow to never return. Seriously, where do these people come from? I don't remember this many weird and trashy people living here. Like I said, I just think every weirdo in a 50 mile radius makes WalMart their Saturday afternoon ritual.

Some families have like 10 kids that all look to be the same age. So either these moms are having crazy multiple births, or as soon as she has one baby, she gets knocked up with another one immediately. Come on people. Our global population just passed 6 million. Do you think you can give it a rest?

Also, is it a coincidence that every other person I saw was wearing Cowboys paraphernalia? I think not ...

I know I've complained about Target in the past, but it's not Target's fault that it's awesome and that I feel the need to overspend every time I go there. I would much rather head on over to Target any day of the week than risk another horrible trip to WalMart.

Verse of the Day

Because it is raining cats and dogs today :(

Isaiah 43:2 - "When you pass through the waters ... they will not sweep over you."

Reporter? Pseudo Celebrity? Make Up Your Mind!

There is a local reporter in Las Vegas who for some reason thinks she is a celebrity. She won a beauty pageant about a hundred years ago, and has desperately held onto this one claim to fame. I've always strongly thought that you should either be a media person OR a celebrity. Not both.

Last year I helped with the red carpet for the opening of a new hotel casino in town. Said reporter came up to the red carpet, and I assumed she would be covering it. But no ... she introduced the man standing next to her as her "publicist" and then demanded to walk the red carpet. For what purpose?!? Aren't celebrities who people have heard of and want to photograph supposed to walk the red carpet? Not desperate wannabes. It was one of the most unprofessional things I've ever seen in my career.

But that isn't the most annoying thing about this reporter. Two weekends ago I ate the scrumptious brunch at Simon, and she was there interviewing the chef. Then she sat down to eat brunch with some friends and I noticed that her purse started moving ... BECAUSE IT HAD A LITTLE RAT DOG IN IT! In the middle of a restaurant! Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but unless it's an assistance dog (and I doubt this dog was, although this reporter is so dumb, I would highly recommend one for her) animals are NOT allowed inside of places that serve food. I don't even want to begin to count the number of health codes this violates. Yet, because she's a reporter/celebrity and everyone feels the need to kiss up to her, no one said anything. I almost said something to out waiter and I'm still kicking myself for keeping my mouth shut. Imagine how awesome it would have been to see her get kicked out of the restaurant for bringing her dumb dog with her. Do you think I could have gotten away with bringing my dog into the restaurant? NO! So why does she get special treatment? Because her rat ... er, I mean dog ... fits into her purse? And this is not an isolated incident ... Another friend saw her with the dog in Whole Foods. Really?!?

I HATE it when people think they don't need to follow the rules, and that they are above everyone else.

Gym Observations

This isn't a rant ... More a list of the people who are the gym everyday. It really is a peculiar bunch. And I'm sure every gym has their certain types of people. These are just the people I have the pleasure of working out with everyday.

1. Smelly Guy: This guy is at the gym every morning. He does the same exact work out and wears the same exact thing everyday. Maybe he has 5 pairs of the same exact navy t-shirt and shorts, or maybe he does his wash everyday. But I'm thinking that he just wears the clothes over and over again. And that isn't even the grossest part. Instead of wearing tennis shoes, he wears these nasty, black, 10-year-old slippers (at least they look that old) sans socks. Can you imagine how bad his feet must smell after working out?!? And it can't be comfortable if you're trying to do cardio. I don't know what's worse - slippers or the stripper heels ... Hmmm.

2. "I Really Love Myself" Guy: This guy looks in the mirror more in one hour than I do in an entire week. He also makes sure that everyone notices how much weight he's lifting. He always wears one of those t-shirts - at least, it used to be a t-shirt - where the arms are cut off, as well as most of the side of the shirt. It would be kind of weird to walk around the gym shirtless, but this guy still wants to show off his body. Which is why he wears the shirt, because it basically shows off his whole body anyway, but he's still kind of wearing a shirt.

3. 80's Girl: There are actually 3 different women at my gym who are stuck in the 80's. And by this I mean they wear those slouch socks and those cutoff sweatshirts that go over one shoulder. But what I love most is their hair - it is that scrunchy perm look which was popular when I was in junior high and they WEAR IT UP IN BANANA CLIPS! Seriously. I didn't even know they sold banana clips anymore. I always thought they were useless because my hair would always fall out of them right away. Why anyone would wear them to the gym is beyond me. 

4. Steelers Fan Guy: Look, I realize that the Steelers won the Super Bowl and you are excited about it. But that doesn't mean you have to wear a Roethlisberger jersey to the gym every single day. And since those authentic jerseys are about $80 a pop, I highly doubt you have a different one for every day of the week. Which means you wear the same shirt to work out in every day, and that makes you almost as bad as Smelly Guy. 

Verse of the Day

1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Emergency Yodel - Quite Possibly the Best Invention Ever

This morning in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, I read about something called the Emergency Yodel. It was featured in an article about Valentine's Day, and that if you couldn't care less about the holiday, you could use it to shut up people. Mainly annoying co-workers who won't shut about about candy, flowers, why they don't have a boyfriend, etc.

First off, I don't care either way about Valentine's Day. There are some people who love it, and then there are those single girls who dress in all black and mourn the day. I've been both single and in a relationship on Valentine's Day, and it doesn't make a difference either way. To me, it's just another day.

Second, I don't really have any annoying co-workers. I'm incredibly blessed with where I work, so I can't imagine using this at work. But I am seriously contemplating getting this to use on other people! Wouldn't it be amazing if you could just use it on anyone who was annoying you?!? I would DEFINITELY use it on the spinning class Spandex guy. Just press a button that will start to yodel and hopefully shut him up. If I should be so lucky ...

Spandex Guy Has A Friend

I forgot to mention on Tuesday that the dumb Spandex guy in my spin class brought a friend, who also wore Spandex and was equally as obnoxious.

Lucky for me, neither of them came to class this morning and it was one the best workouts I've had in a long time. So I either need to pray that neither of them come back, or just look for another gym. Although I'm sure whatever spin class I go to, there will always be at least one annoying person. Sigh ...

Verse of the Day

Joshua 1:9 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Verse of the Day

Leviticus 19:18 - "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself."

Friend Rant of the Day

Today's "Friend Rant of the Day" comes courtesy of my friend Keith, who told me about something I myself haven't experienced, but I promised him I'd write a rant about it.

On Friday, he was waiting in line for the drive-up ATM machine. There were two machines, and both were in use. Instead of getting in line behind one driver or the other, he decided to stay in the middle and go to whatever ATM became available first. Because knowing his luck, he'd choose to get behind the car with the old person who has never used an ATM in their life and will take an hour figuring out how to enter their pin. Anyway, while he was waiting, another car pulled up behind him and started honking at him because he wouldn't choose one lane or the other.

First off, honking never accomplishes anything. If anything, it just annoys the person who you are honking at even more, and they will continue to do whatever it is you are honking at them for. Second, what's even the point in honking? Chances are, both ATM's will open up at around the same time. And if they don't, you will be at the most, 30 seconds later to wherever you are driving to. So calm down.

I just need to state how jealous I am of Keith. Did you know that Bank of America customers can customize their ATM cards? He has a Yankee's one for Pete's Sake! My dummy Washington Mutual card is boring gold. I guess that's what you get when your bank runs out of money ...

Driving Pet Peeves (Part 3)

Lately I've noticed that many drivers either do not understand or simply choose to ignore some of the most basic driving laws. So I decided to give a little refresher course on two of the things I've seen a lot of lately:

1. There is a red octagonal-shaped (which means it has 8 sides) sign which has the word "STOP" in white letters. When you see this sign, follow the instructions and stop. Do not roll through the sign or assume that everyone else is going to stop because you are more important than them.

2. When you go through a school zone and see blinking lights and a sign that says to slow down to 25 MPH, I'm pretty sure that means that you are supposed to slow down to 25 MPH. It does not mean that you're supposed tailgate the person in front of you for not going fast enough, or try to pass them because they are only going 25 MPH. This speed limit applies to everyone, including you. There's a good reason for these school zones - so that you won't hit kids while they're trying to cross the street to and from school. It's not that hard to figure out. That being said, there is usually a sign that says "end of school zone" which means you are through the school zone and can speed up to the normal speed limit. It doesn't mean to continue driving at 25 MPH for the rest of your life.

Target is Evil

Last night I went to Target to get two birthday cards, and ended up spending $60. Either those were some REALLY expensive cards, or I once again fell into the evil Target trap of buying things I don't need. 

Verse of the Day

Philippians 4:8 - "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

Free Grand Slam on Tuesday!

I'm all about free stuff. Every spring, both Baskin Robbins and Ben & Jerry's have free scoop day, which I never fail to miss. In fact, when I was younger, my dad and I used to drive to every Baskin Robbins in our general area to get all the free scoops possible.

So imagine my delight when I found out that on Tuesday morning, Denny's is giving away a Free Grand Slam breakfast on Tuesday from 6am - 2pm. For those of you (including myself) who don't frequent Denny's very often, the Grand Slam consists of two eggs (any way you like them), two slices of bacon, two sausage links and two pancakes.

Perfect if you wake up with a hangover on Tuesday, or just feel the need to double your daily recommended sodium and caloric intake.

Snuggies! The Infatuation Continues ...

Snuggies have become so popular that now casinos are using them as giveaways to bribe people to gamble! This morning I got an email from a locals casino called the Silverton, who is giving away Snuggies to those who earn points playing reel slots or video poker. Knowing my luck, I will lose WAY more than $20 gambling in order to earn enough points to get a Snuggie. So isn't it just easier to order the thing online or by phone? Plus, I bet the Silverton doesn't give away free book lights with their Snuggies!

Verse of the Day

Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Super Bowl Observations

As I've stated before, I don't really care about either team that played in this year's Super Bowl. But I somehow felt it was my American duty to watch the game (and man, it was a good game!) so here are a few observations I made today:

1. How freaking awesome does Faith Hill look? Seriously, the woman is 41 years old. She looks AMAZING! Tim McGraw is one lucky guy (although he ain't bad himself, so I guess it's a good pair!)

2. Jennifer Hudson sounded FANTASTIC! It was so good seeing her out and singing again. She's been through more trauma in the past few months than anyone should ever have to go through. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with her and her family.

3. Another interesting Super Bowl bet would have been - which player will have his hair pulled first? The Steelers' Troy Polamalu or the Cardinals' Larry Fitzgerald?

4. John Madden was ... well, John Madden. He sounded like he didn't feel very well. Or maybe he just didn't care about the game because there was no Brett Favre. Although he may have other man crushes on Ben Roethlisberger or Larry Fitzgerald (who he kept on saying has "big hands and strong hands" ... hmm ... )

At one point, he also said that the umpire threw the penalty flag. I'm thinking he meant referee, considering that umpires are only in baseball. Seriously? This guy's only job is to announce football games, AND he has his own football video game. And he can't even get that right?

5. Commercials were just ehhh this year. Was there really an ad for "The Fast and the Furious Part 3?" How a first sequel was even made will continue to boggle my mind. And has anyone noticed that the only time we ever hear about Go Daddy is during Super Bowl commercials? For the other 364 days of the year, it's completely irrelevant. My favorites are always the Budweiser ads with the Clydesdale, which make me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

6. The whole time I was thinking: Can we just get the game over with so we can watch the new episode of "The Office?"

Observations from the Las Vegas Strip

I rarely make it down to the Las Vegas strip (for reasons too numerous to include in this blog). However, I made it down this weekend since I had friends here from out of town.

The good news is that the strip was PACKED. I know there was a UFC fight Saturday night and the Super Bowl today, but it was so good to see the city so busy. It's been awhile since I've seen that many people in town, so hopefully the city isn't doing as poorly as we think it is.

The rest of my observations, unfortunately, are rants:

1. In most instances, pedestrians have the right of way. For example, when I went running this morning and that gold Hyundai Santa Fe almost ran me over when it was turning right and failed to look either way? Yes, I had the right of way in that situation and you almost hit me, you idiot. But I do not feel that pedestrians should have the right of way on the Las Vegas strip because they are so stupid. When there is a little green man, it means that you are supposed to walk across the street. When there is a red hand, it means to not walk across the street. No, it is not Satan's hand beckoning you to come hither. It means STOP! I do not understand why these dumb tourists feel that just because it's Vegas, they can cross the street whenever they want. Traffic on the strip is already horrible, and you crossing the street when the cars have the light does not help! I know you are busy drinking your 3 yards of margarita, or my personal favorite, a plastic football of beer, but that doesn't give you an excuse to be dumb. You hear these stories about drivers that smash right into a crowd of people on the street, and you wonder why it doesn't happen more often.

2. Since when have there been so many Cardinals fans? I watched football from a local bar almost every week of the season, and I saw maybe two Cardinals fans all season. Now all the sudden they are in the Super Bowl and you are the biggest fan ever? Where were you when they sucked?

3. I know I'm going to offend some people, but there's just something weird about guys wearing super designer jeans. Mainly True Religion jeans. Now, I love my True Religion jeans. I got a few pairs several years ago before everyone and their mom bought them. And yes, I'm serious about people's moms wearing them. I saw a woman at least 60 years old wearing a tight pair of hip hugger True Religion jeans on the strip. It was not okay for Jessica Simpson to wear mom jeans, so it's definitely not okay for moms to wear jeans that were made for 20-year-olds. But even worse is when I see a guy wearing the jeans. They might as well have the word "douchebag" tattooed on their forehead. And usually with the jeans comes an Affliction or Ed Hardy t-shirt. Ugh, just the site of any of the above makes me want to scream, yet every other guy I saw on the strip this weekend was wearing them.

4. I'm sure this observation isn't unique to the Vegas strip, but this is the only place I've seen this lately. Why are people still wearing those creepy shirts with Obama's face on them? Okay, yes, we get it. He won. Enough already. The lady I saw this weekend was wearing a white t-shirt with his face in gold. Yes, gold. Really?

I Love You Olives!

When I was in second grade, all the little girls thought it would be funny to mouth the words "olive juice" to a little boy across the room. Then we would ask him what he thought we said and he would usually say, "I love you." (because your mouth looks the same saying both "olive juice" and "I love you" ... get it?!?) Then we'd giggle in the delight of knowing we tricked the sucker, and tell him that we were actually saying "olive juice," and tease him for thinking that we loved him. Ahhh ... good times.

These days, I can say that I love Olives - that is, Todd English's delightful restaurant at the Bellagio. Not only is the food absolutely amazing, but it has one of the best views of the Las Vegas strip. If you play your cards right, you can get a table on the patio overlooking Bellagio's famed fountain show.

I went to Olives over the weekend with my good friends Gabi and Primoz who were visiting from out of town, and we were lucky enough to get a patio table. Not only was the view breathtaking, but the food was absolutely amazing. I cannot say enough about their beef carpaccio. I didn't even know I liked beef carpaccio before I tried it at Olives. Every single thing we had to eat was better than the next. It's a little pricey, but if you need to go to dinner for a special occasion or if you're visiting Vegas from out of town, I would definitely recommend it!

Toby Keith - Do We Really Need More Sleeveless Shirts?

I've never been a big Toby Keith fan, and became even less of one when I heard that he only supported Obama in the presidential race in order to drum up publicity for his new movie "Beer for My Horses." There is so much I can say about both this situation, and the title of that film.

But right now I'm going to talk about the fact that is was announced today that he will be coming out with is own clothing line. The line, which he plans to market to Target, Wal-Mart, Kohl’s and Macy’s, will feature long-sleeve shirts, t-shirts, polos, sweatshirts, jeans, cowboy hats, baseball caps, bandanas, belts, leather wrist straps (???) and ... several types of sleeveless shirts. Question: How many different types of sleeveless shirts are there, other than the white trash kind?

Well, if any of you Las Vegans are interested, he will launch his line February 18th at his restaurant I Love This Bar & Grill in Harrah’s Las Vegas. Oh goodie.

What Super Bowl? It's All About the Puppy Bowl!

For those of you who don't care about either team in this year's Super Bowl (including yours truly), then don't forget about the Puppy Bowl! For the fifth year, Animal Planet will host its yearly canine competition on Super Bowl Sunday. Which is basically just cute little puppies playing with chew toys on a make-believe football field. But it's so gosh darn fun to watch. I mean come on, I would take watching puppies over John Madden any day. You can even make fantasy picks and vote for the MVP (Most Valuable Puppy). They are even going to have a parrot sing the National Anthem for Pete's Sake ... how can you NOT watch this? Plus, every puppy featured in Puppy Bowl is recruited from a local shelter, so all of them are looking for a good home.

For those cat people out there, there will also be a Kitty Half-Time Show. The games kick off on the Animal Planet Channel at 3pm Eastern and Pacific Time.

Verse of the Day

Today's verse is courtesy of me getting my tax return! The early bird catches the worm ... or in my case, the early bird gets to pay off her credit card.

Proverbs 21:20 - "The wise have wealth and luxury, but fools spend whatever they get."

See, I'm Not the Only One!

My first post ever on this blog, which urged people to shut up in movie theaters, may have made me out to seem cranky (and trust me, I am at times). But I know I'm not the only one who gets annoyed in movie theaters. Just take the article from this week's Las Vegas Weekly, entitled: "Old Ladies, Please! Drama at the Movie Theater," in which the writer tells the story of her trying to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" over the weekend, but was distracted because a group of 80-year-old women came in late, and then argued throughout the film. Seriously.

Don't believe me? Read it here for yourself!

You Know You Live In Vegas When ... (Part 1)

Foreword: This is a secondhand story from my dear friend Kim, who actually didn't witness it herself, but a friend told her about it. So I guess it would make this a thirdhand story? 

Seen working out at the gym this past Sunday morning: A stripper (at least we can assume she's a stripper) wearing high stripper heels while working out. After working out, she changed into Ugg boots. 

Let's think about this for a second. If you were to forget to bring your work-out shoes to the gym, and HAD to work out in alternate shoes, would you pick: a) six inch clear stripper heels or b) Ugg boots. Hmmm ...  

Crazy Super Bowl Bets

There aren't a lot of things I like about living in Las Vegas, but one thing I do like is the fact that you can bet on every single sport possible. I'm not a big better, but after reading about some of the crazier Super Bowl bets this year, I may just put some money down. Here are some of my favorites (and yes, these are real - you can actually bet on these!):

1. How long will it take for Jennifer Hudson to sing the National Anthem? (she usually lasts over 2 minutes)

2. How many different food types will John Madden mention? (the better bet would be, how many times will he mention Brett Favre)

3. What songs will Bruce Springstein sing during halftime?

4. What type of celebration will the player perform after the game's first touchdown? (spike football, bicep flex, backflip or pretend to talk on the opposing team's phone like Donovan McNabb)

5. What color Gatorade will be poured on the winning team's coach?